🔵 By Adl El-Shabazz. Photo by lauragrafie.
Being locked up is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever had to do. Also, if done wisely it can be a very humbling life changing experience. In a place where chaos rules, finding something positive and holding on to it can be a day-to-day struggle. While here I have been one of the lucky ones whom has elevated myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. This has afforded me the strength to stay upright, fearless, and independent on this unwanted journey.
After being here for eight years I decided to change. I went in search of ways to make this change, but couldn’t quite grasp the real concept of change. It was a grueling process and at times I became unsure of succeeding. With the improvement of my education, my language, my attitude, and my actions, everything changed in an instant. I changed my outlook on life, other people, and my surroundings. For the first time in my life I was totally aware of my own ignorance, and how it had held me back in life.
While sitting in this bathroom contemplating my future and how to put the past to rest, something occurred to me about my present condition. My mind was wondering back and forth on the events from the then, to the now, and what I wanted in the time to come. I finally stopped over-thinking and started meditating on the now, for what seemed like an eternity. When everything came into focus, I looked around the cell I was occupying and at that very moment I said to myself out loud, „these motherfuckers got me locked in a damn bathroom.“ At that time I was on my tenth year, and up until that point I had never paid it any attention.
As I looked around the cell I noticed the toilet, the sink, a mirror over the sink, toothbrush, soap container, washcloth, on the wall and all of my cosmetics on the shelves. I said to myself, „man I am tripping?“ In this place your mind can and will play tricks on you. I thought this was one of those moments, but quickly realized it wasn’t. Now I’m aware of all the things I have been doing in this bathroom. I sleep, eat, write, pray, meditate, study, make plans for the future, and I think of my loved ones in this bathroom. I grieved the loss of my grandmother, father, sister, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, and those that lost their lives to senseless violence while in this bathroom.
I often remind myself and others that I’m never going to put myself in a position to return to this bathroom. I just wanted to share this with those individuals that are in a hurry to come and live in a bathroom. Peace!