🔵 By Lorenzo Hutson. Photo by lauragrafie.
Is it that profound that all good things come to an ending? Or superficial, due to the end initiates a new beginning. Fast forward two years later, and the future remains uncertain, my life’s been filled with shade, but now it’s time to remove the curtain.
The love that I previously shared with Alacyn has been dead on arrival (DOA., an internal emotional battle’s dependent on my survival. Dwelling within the belly of darkness has consumed my thoughts, as if I’m cursed, asking „Am I the problem“? While questioning my self-worth. While listening to love songs, the tears begin to emerge, they’re burning like pepper spray, anonymously because it hurts. It’s surreal to reminisce on our passion that ignited fires, intimacy that has no barriers, and commitment that could not be opened with pliers. Everywhere I go, and moments when I’m entertained, I foresee her existence and am reminded of her name. Most could not conceive the notion of relinquishing invested history into the love of your life, unless your reevaluation of the turn of events lead to misery.
July 13th, 2021 at 3:05 pm is when I professed to love her, had butterflies within the pit of my stomach. And had sworn and vowed that on my heartbeat there would never be another lover, and there wasn’t. They say that opposites stimulate attraction. At least on the surface, yet interpersonal differences can breed contempt, and lead to counter transference. I’ll forever have a recollection of her reflection, one that resembles desire, admiration and protection. The colors of her eyes often alter with her emotions, it’s not to say that either party failed at attempting devotion, we were experiencing the motions of change. The pain of being alone, once again, is unbearable, starting over while incarcerated is terrible. I’m far from perfect, I have reservations and some concessions, I mask my sorrows by lying in bed, has contributed to reactive depression.
Instead of trying to solve issues that had left her perturbed, when in all actuality, Allie only wanted to be heard. I should have utilized attending behaviors and practiced patience, reminded her of her beauty until it had become contagious. She was my first relationship in over 7 years, so I am out of practice, that’s remains no excuse, I still should’ve remained proactive. As a consequence of my in-activeness I envisioned vivid memories, that somehow circumvent the suicidal tendencies.
I will not lose, because even in defeat a lesson is learned. I am currently on „Pen A Con“ and „Write A Prisoner“ and „Prison Inmates Wanting Pen Pals“ via Facebook under Ruby Redd. I am seeking a second chance to discover love and friendship, and to be the better man that I wasn’t in previously one encounter. I’ve allowed my academic aspirations to take precedence over my personal endeavors, that needs to stop! Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs have also entailed „belonging and love „(needs) physiological, safety, love, esteem and self-actualization. If anyone out there is open minded to giving a man a second chance at love, they could either download GTL and add my name to their accounts. And send me an email/text message about how they feel about this writing. Or to write to me at the address on my profile. Take care.