🔵 By Sam Wells. Photo by lauragrafie.
I will never say anything with the intent to harm. I also don’t think I should be held hostage by “how” you receive information. This gray area of communication lies between intent and interpretation.
Ex: “Be respectful when you speak to others.”
Yet, respect is subjective and predicated upon upbringing as well as you interaction with Respect as a concept. Without your definition, I’m flying blind and who can define all their triggers associated with respect? So how do I proceed? My direct line approach – what I mean without being mean, but also with no regard for how you feel about it – it results in “Sam is an asshole”.
A trade off I’m ok with, but to preserve or develop relationships, being an asshole isn’t ideal. So I shrink. I shrink emotionally, intellectually, and socially for the benefit of those around me. Here communication becomes one sided. One is allowed to speak in their regular ton, but the other isn’t. I’m forced to “find the words” before every statement, which is effectively walking on eggshells.
I maintain the clearest path to understanding is the straight line of direct and open. However, in the climate of social-emotional turmoil there lies a necessity for the ability o shrink. I’ll never agree with volunteering to be a hostage, but I am also a prisoner. As such, I have zero agency to speak my truth nor with honesty.