🔵 By Herbert Warren. Photo by lauragrafie.
Progression is a viable component in this „consciousness“ we call life. I spend my day pursuing knowledge and experiences to learn how to die, so that in turn, I may live effectively. I’m convinced my experiences were meant to be. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are certain things that one must witness for themselves in order for those lessons to be seared in our consciousness and hearts. My precepts, wisdom, my study of difference couldn’t have been taught or told to me by another – the meaning and depth of them wouldn’t have transformed into my viable ways and actions if they had. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making an excuse for my incarceration, nor am I attempting to devalue my malfunctions and poor decision making that got me here; but, I’ve learned to stop resisting life. And that’s the long and short of it.
In my day, I found myself terribly attractive. I was terribly attractive in the sense, that, I didn’t know how to keep a certain kind of people away; people who will devour another but couldn’t digest themselves. And it’s those people, because of my naiveté, I found that they don’t have mercy. They tear you limb by limb, i the name of their demented definition of love. Then, when you’re mentally, spiritually, and emotionally dead; when they’ve killed your resolve by what they made you go through; then, they say you didn’t have character.
It’s human nature that while engaged in such peril we evolve as a strategy for safety; hence, defensive mechanism. My hurt pushed me to get smarter. More or less, emotion isn’t stable, logic is constant, and I needed that consistency to achieve my salvation. Only in isolation was I able to comprehend that relationships fueled by a drive for power, where one person seeks dominance over the other are incapable of producing love. I don’t know whether it was wisdom or just exhaustion that made that realization possible; whatever it is… I’m thankful for it.
My ego and pride reared its ugly head where my insecurities were. These hangups always put me on the defensive and kept me from being my best self. I’ve learned that only my best self can open doors to the life I really want. I looked within myself and started self-correcting my moral and spiritual defects, scrutinizing the merits in which I’ve made certain decisions on. At this point, it was imperative for me to stay focused on the solution instead of settling for a scapegoat. By staying true to that, I’ve found that I had to lift up my own sense of values. I say I – I – I because one thing another can’t give me is self-respect. I’ve arrived at a place where anything except harmony is too high a price for me. I’m sure you can understand that, right?
Thank you for your time. 😉 Herbert. X