🔵 By Rahnzell Rahn. Photo by lauragrafie.
It’s about to be Christmas. And I’m still stuck in prison. This ain’t for me, I’m not coming back. My lil‘ sister has been heavy on my mind lately ever since she sent me some money. That irritated me because I don’t want money.. I just wish I could get a letter once a year. Letting me know she’s ok. I hope I’m not being too selfish. It would be nice to hear from someone every once in a while though. Sometime I feel like crying, I don’t though.. it’s not because of what people might think about me. I don’t care what people think about me honestly. I just can’t cry when I need to. I think it might be affecting my mental health, the way I cope with how I feel in prison.. probably don’t help either. You have to adapt to the environment, people here make me mad sometimes. I don’t show it.
I push my frustration aside and respectfully inform them on how I feel, what they did to irritate me and I ask them not to do it again. Communicating… being optimistic… not letting my emotions control my actions it’s not easy. Every day is a struggle for me. And every day I work on bettering myself in a positive way. Keeping my head held high no matter the circumstances – pushing on even when I feel like I can’t.. that’s me. I’m not living by best life right now but I know my future is bright, my potential has no limit. Someone asked me if I could change anything about my past what would I change… I thought about it, I wouldn’t change anything that’s what’s built me into who I am now. I miss my family. I try keeping them off my mind, it’s less stressful than dwelling on them. Things will get better. I’ve been trough worse. I’ll keep pushing this pencil until I die. Maybe I write a book.. who knows, I might write my future into existence.