🔵 By Timothy Brunner. Photo by lauragrafie.
I am intent. I am the person attempting to show that intent, who I am, through action. I am flawed. My reflections may be imprecise but the intent is pure. My actions may be flawed through I am pure. I am the emotional and reactive person that I have been representing lately. That is what I have been reflecting into the world.
The intent behind my actions has always been that I am no longer interested in much of the negativity that I involved myself with in the past. I am a changed man. I am changed because if conscious decisions I have made, not because of the consequences I have experienced as much as those I have caused. I have not been projecting that intent because I have not been considering my actions in that bureaucratic manner of stepping back until the motions run their course. In responding immediately to emotional stimuli, I have been reflecting the sporadic behavior of someone off balance. I can see this, but it is hard to believe I have gone so far down this road. In wanting to fight I am losing the ability to fight effectively. Who I am is far more considered than I have been acting. This is my call to arms…
Something is out of balance. I do not know what, so this is the identification process if not the actual diagnosis. Something is far out of balance for me to have lost touch with significant portions of my character and to not have even noticed. Alcohol used to cause this in my past, but I’ve not been under the influence in 13 years. Emotions are just as intoxicating as me, I guess.
Time to put away the emotions, again. Not in a sense of bottling them up. I need to watch them pass as I used to watch fists and fees pass without touching me. Back to bureaucracy.
I am Jack’s analytical neocortex.
I have allowed myself to lose sight of my principles because I see the lack in those who rule my world. If they are supposed to be my models, why should I not model myself after them? That is a flawed reflection.
You do not defect the energy by becoming like them. That is assimilation. That is not what this is. That is not who I am. The fighter responds emotionally. The bureaucrat, will reason. No more fighting… time to reason. No more complacency… I am war.