MY MIRACLE

🔵 By Qualen Bell. Photo by lauragrafie.

It’s been said that every day gives us a chance at a miracle. So I wait patiently gazing out my window, watching the sun chase the moon until my miracle arrives. Everyone has their own vision of what a miracle is. For me, it’s something simple, but very hard to obtain and contain. For my miracle is to know the feeling of having someone who believes in me. To have that one person who stands in my corner who pushes me to keep fighting when I want to quit. That someone who can tell me where to turn when I’m feeling lost, or be the hand held out to help me up when I’ve fallen.

I’m nothing to no one inside these hard bricks and cold steel bars. Herded to and fro like cattle, forced to work for nothing, while being fed like an animal. Throughout my stay I’ve suffered numerous let downs, disappointments, heartbreaks, aches, and pains. Lied to so many times that I just quit counting. Lying in my bunk every night alone, hoping no one hears me crying. Wiping my tears on the walls of my cell. My body and mind are full of scars, only visible when I look at myself.

I’m afraid of allowing the smallest glimpse for fear of being judged or ridiculed. Maybe it’s my own perception of how things should be that gets in the way of me not having belief that there are sincere and honest people walking the earth. Am I wrong? How would you feel when everyone who has ever told you that they loved you leave you wondering of life is worth it and are there any people who care out there? Loneliness inside these walls has a way of starting wars in your mind. It’ll have you fighting off depression and suicidal thoughts. Making you feel like you’re standing alone in a field wielding only a stick before hundreds with guns and knives running towards you.

Uncertain of your fate. Hoping for help. Praying that someone comes to your aid in your time of need who believes in your fight and will stand with you through it all. Side by side. Back to back. That would be a blessing. That would be a miracle. For just once I want someone in my life who believes in me enough to want to comfort me through all the madness and sadness within the walls of this cell. To be the water that quenches my thirst. To be the friend of this lonely heart that I’ve become. While the world continues to turn, and the days stay the same, I’ll continue gazing out my window, waiting on my miracle…