🔵 By Timothy Freegard. Photo by lauragrafie.
Autopsies indicate, every corpse that had severe Alzheimer’s disease prior to death, without exception, had one thing in common.
I recall growing up, when I slept over at a friend’s house or when we went camping the sunny side up fried eggs had a grey tint underneath them. But their mom’s were so pretty and super nice, so I wasn’t bothered too awfully much that they didn’t seem to know how to wash their dishes very well. And you’re supposed to eat dirt when you go camping. Everyone knows that. That’s why girls don’t like to go camping. I’d get into angry/friendly fights on the lawn with Dug, my next door neighbor. Dug’s older brother Dan would referee if he was around. Well if you called refereeing, Dan telling Dug while I had him in a head lock, „If you lose I’m gonna make you eat this slug.“ Dan found a nearby slug and had it ready to go. Dug would fight a lot harder, and me too, I wasn’t sure if the threat applied to me or not. As the fight continued I surmised it didn’t, but I didn’t want Dan’s unfairness to be exposed so I fought harder and won. Dan forced Dug to eat the slug and I guess I felt kinda guilty and even a little sorry for him. What’s a little grey matter on the bottom of eggs, I saw Dug eat a slug once and he’s still alive. There were three of them, Dug, Dan and Sam. They were a poor family that had moved from Montana to Renton, Washington. I lived in the country. There were poor families, there were rich families. Their dad repaired lawn mowers mine built passenger jets.
Antiperspirants, they’re alright I guess, I mean I really don’t know for sure.
Antideodorants, that’s a very different kind of animal.
For about 70 years perhaps more, I don’t know exactly when, I’d have to research that to see when they discovered that certain fact about aluminum, but anyway for my lifetime probably longer, aluminum has been the essential active ingredient in 99% of underarm deodorants.
What for? What has aluminum got to do with preventing stinky armpits?
Well, as it turns out bacteria cannot grow on aluminum, at all, period, zilch! And it’s bacteria that causes that nasty smell under your armpits. Not mine yours. Personally I kinda like the way my armpits smell, sorta like marijuana if I think about it really hard, skunk bud. All musty and masculine, I’m sure it attracts women. Oh they turn their noses up and make a big tadoo about how much they the don’t like it, not with me but I’ve seen ‚em act that way towards other guys. But like lots of other things they pretend not to like, I’m pretty sure they really do. Actually, I can’t recall a woman ever complaining about my odor.
Anyway, the world has been convinced we should be at war with armpit odor and some clever chemist discovered that wiping an aluminum amalgam of sorts, in the pits of our arms prevents bacteria from growing there. The war was won! But at what cost?
Aluminum is a strong metal as metals go, I mean, you could build airplanes and rocket ships out of it if you wanted to. Aluminum doesn’t oxidize as quickly as copper and while aluminum doesn’t conduct electricity quite as well it’s much less expensive. Aluminum also transfers heat very well. I mean, billions of inexpensive pots and pans are made from aluminum and so are heat sinks that are affixed to MOSFET’s, FET’s, SCR’s and other heat sensitive electronic components.
I’m shaking my finger in your face right now.
„Aluminum frying pans and underarm deodorants will be the death of you!“
And now I’m laughing.
I know I shouldn’t laugh because you’re stupid, I’ll stop.
The brain is just an electrical circuit board.
That’s all it is.
Electricity flows inside your brain via chemicals, neurons and synapses.
A circuit board showered with a fine powder of aluminum ions will short out, it will fry it will become permanently disasbled. Humpty’s brain has been showered with particles that conduct electric current. No medication will be able to repair Humpty Dumpty. The best we could do would be to wash Humpty’s circuit board with acetone or toluene and remove all the shorted out components and replace them with new ones. Humpty’s „memory board“ however is not repairable. All Humpty’s memories are lost forevermore.
See that gray matter on the bottom of the egg that you just fried in that aluminum frying pan of yours? What do you suppose that grey matter is? Haven’t given it much thought? Strange that it only shows up in the bottom of sunnyside up eggs when you cook them in that aluminum pan don’t you think? You never see that grey matter on the bottom of those eggs when you cook ‚em in an iron skillet or in a stainless steel pan do you? Gee, what is that grey stuff anyway? Hm.
Make sure you coat those armpits really well with those aluminum ions or they won’t be able to make the short migration from your armpits‘ pores into your bloodstream and to their final destination inside that grey matter in your head. But if they don’t make it into your brain that’s okay there’s always tomorrow’s coatings.
That’s right, every Alzheimer’s corpse has excessive quantities of aluminum in its brain. It’s something I thought you ought know. Do I use deodorant? I’ve never used deodorant. But you should so your smelly pits don’t bother me. I’m very sensitive, I’m told it’s a mental disorder.
And if you find yourself forgetting to slather that underarm deodorant on well don’t worry about that too much you’re probably just getting old.