🔵 By Stephen Stanko. Photo by lauragrafie.
When I entered death row, it was with all of the knowns and unknowns that one would imagine anybody entering a death row might very well have. Television, movies and published works always present a world of violence with numbers of tattoo-riddled hulking men all of whom have done something that warranted a capital offense conviction.
It was not long before the realization came that things are NOT always what they seem. In fact, it wasn’t even a year into my sentence that there was an exclamation point placed on that realization. It was the third Tuesday of the month. I know that because Ms. Naida and Ms Betts came EVERY third Tuesday of every month and had done so for almost thirty years. Neither of them weighed more than a hundred and fifteen lbs. Both were in their early to mid-seventies. They had come to the SC death row as fellowship volunteers and had become nothing short of anything and everything that a woman, a lady, a human being, could possibly mean to a unit full of men that the media commonly portrays as the worst-of-the-worst, monsters, inhuman and so much more.
Ms. Naida and Ms. Betts would enter death row every 3rd Tuesday of EVERY month and would stay for 6-10 hours. They were mothers, aunts, grandmothers, teachers, and disciplinarians. They would laugh and cry. They would whisper and yell. They were fearless in a place everybody was expected to be scared to death. Most importantly, they brought honesty and love. They would give every individual the truth, good or bad, hard or easy, and they always did it with love. They helped every one of us remember that our lives were NOT defined by an instant or an action or a single day. They made everyone better by also making us want to be better.
It had always frustrated me that the world could not see the beauty of them, not only the beauty of Ms. Naida and Ms. Betts. The world outside obviously saw their beauty just as we did. It was their ability to show real life in a world labeled with “Death”. Why couldn’t the rest of the world see that? There were even some officers that were NOT happy about their visits. Just like some people in society, there are some officers and staff members that believe inmates should never experience decency and humanity in prison. Their faces would easily display their discontent with the life that Naida and Betts would bring in the unit.
Then, one day, proof came that there were people that mattered who recognized the miracle of Naida and Betts.
A now officer was working the unit, and he was standing next to the institution’s major. Major Nuttles was a truly great man. He was honest and fair and had all the morals and integrity that you could ask of ANY man, much less a Major of a maximum security prison. He and I had just been discussing unit matters. Ms. Naida and Ms. Betts were on the Rock (the middle, common area) of the unit and were, literally, surrounded by a host of death row inmates, most of which were 6 foot or taller and all larger than 200lbs each.
As an officer looked at this veritable mountain of men encompassing these two frail women, he said to the Major, “Sir, do you think it is safe for us to leave those women in that position?” Nettles neither flinched nor delayed so much as a millisecond. He instantly laughed for a second an said, “Young man, there is not a human being on the face of this earth that is safer than those two women are right now.”
For me, knowing that someone who mattered truly understood, mattered. I just wished more could see and understand.
Length of life as taken Ms. Naida and Ms. Betts from us physically, but they live in our hearts and minds as clearly as each and every Tuesday they entered here for almost 30 years. Nettles has left in untimely fashion as well, but his name is the one almost every single one of us use when we speak of corrections staff that made a difference.
The world is too often led by anger and hate. Naida and Betts were strong on responsibility but lived by love and decency. We felt it, and we gave them all we had. That’s the stuff the world should see.