🔵 By Jermaine Route. Photo by lauragrafie.
As salamu alaikum.
My journey has been one of great lessons and highs as well as hard lessons and lows. The struggles I have survived made for a stronger back to carry a lighter load. Life hasn’t been easy but I feel that I took all that I’ve endured to create the man I am today.
I was born to a gambling addicted, hard working, caring, loving mother and equally drug addicted, loving and caring father. My household was one of chaos, stress and hard times but never lacking of love. That time in my life is the most memorable because of the impact it’s had on me and the development of my character. In my upbringing I had a hard time being able to focus on what was important for my future because my focus was absorbed by the necessity of now. My main focus was survival but my way of surviving was the cause f my decline. I found myself searching for something that I couldn’t identify, something I had no clue existed, something that I had never known. Love???
Not the love you receive from a parent o close relative. I not only wanted love from the streets, but I wanted to be in love with a woman. I saw my parents go through so much yet the love remained intact. I wanted that! The feeling of deep agonizing pain that had no name, but played the most important role in the turmoil which plagued me… I couldn’t figure it out!!! Incredible as it all was, I found that the best way to deal was to find ways to forget, but finding ways to forget lead to finding things that worsened it, which caused the original pain to seem more doable. “like maybe this is what life is”.
When faced with the option of “bad” or “worse” I chose “worse” as a way of having some relief when being relieved wasn’t an option. When faced with these options I was left searching for ways to better my situation and adopted mantras like “by any means necessary” into my struggle for more favorable accommodations. When looking at life I placed expectation on everything according to what I wanted and this lead me to being disappointed when things didn’t go in accord with what I envisioned. I tend to place value on things according to what those things bring to my life instead of what those things can bring to my life. People included. I’ve been faced with these situations on multiple levels in my growth to who I am today. I’ve lost love, possessions and friends due to my lack of understanding for things and situations but with the loss of these things I’ve gained new knowledge to my lief as I live it today.
I’ve learned to appreciate the small things for they make up the bigger picture. I’ve learned to never take anything or anyone for granted because what’s here today can be gone tomorrow and I’ve learned that the best way to see your dreams be what you want them to be you must take the steps to make it happen.
The gift we have is today and it is to be cherished as if tomorrow may not come. Opportunity is something that occurs in one of two ways, either we stumble upon it or we create our own. Whichever way it comes, when it comes we must be prepared to use it to further our growth. Stay open! Stay true! Be real! It all starts and ends with you.