🔵 By Richard Smith. Photo by lauragrafie.
The only reason anyone ever wants a second chance, is because they damaged or destroyed something. That something cost you first and foremost: trust. In addition, to trust, you may have also loss love, friendship, marriage, a job, even freedom. The firs thing people who want a second chance need to realize is, that you are not entitled, in any way, to a second chance. You are also seeking more than just forgiveness. You are requesting restoration of what YOU ruined . I emphasize this because I want people to grasp the depth of this desire.
When someone is hurt by another, it leaves a wound. The severity of the wound depends on the offense and the person offended. What may be inconsequential to one person, is an extreme transgression to another. Another way to look at it, is when it comes to trauma, pain, stress, insults, betrayals, etc. everyone is a bowl. Some people are naturally perforated and retain little to nothing. Other people are solid bowls and retain everything. This is why the same thing can happen to two people, one person moves on with their life, while the other needs therapy. Regardless of how a person handles hurts and stress, everyone has their boundaries; that if crossed, will evict the offending person from their life. Know and respect the boundaries of the people in your life.
Forgiveness first and foremost heals the person that is hurt, but it is THEIR choice to forgive. Should they choose to forgive you, it does not mean they will or have to give you a second chance. That is their choice as well. Even if you are given a second chance, what you did may not be easily forgotten. Tread carefully.
When you offend society, it will evict you out of its life, and send you to prison. I have offended society by having a murder committed. No excuses. I know what I did is wrong and I live with my regret. At the time this article is written, under North Carolina law, I will live out the rest of my life in prison for my crime; unless the law changes. Currently I have been incarcerated for over fourteen years (49 months in the county jail.)
Since my incarceration I have strived to become a man that any woman would be grateful t have and any community would desire. I achieved this through counseling, therapy, meditation, books, sermons, prayer, and education. Preparing myself for the second chance I desire, while incarcerated, has been the most painful and difficult thing I have ever done; especially since I’m not guarantied a second chance of any kind. What irks me the most in this, is when I meet someone who is on their fourth or fifth bid, or the person who had already done a long prison sentence and is back with a longer sentence for the same crime. These men may have families, that they complain about in one of two ways: The first way is that their family won’t have anything to do with them now. The second is that their family is in need, but they’re stuck in prison. These men have not and will not prepare themselves for the second, third, fourth, or fifth chance they are seeking. These men will continue o fail as a husband, father, care taker, and member of society.
I bring this up to ask the following questions: Are you ready for a second chance? Do you know how to appreciate and care for that which you are asking? Do you know the value of a second chance? Do you understand all the pain you have caused, including all those hurt indirectly by your choices? When it comes to personal relationships, additional questions you need to ask yourself are: Am I ready to trust and be trusted? Am I ready to love and be loved? Am I ready to quit the _____ addiction? Do I like certain anatomical proportions, or do I desire my mate and what they have? Attempting to pick both for this last question will keep temptation empowered in your life. Giving in to temptation is why you are wanting a second chance.
Don’t be selfish! If you are not ready for a second chance, don’t ask for one. If you are not ready for a second chance and you get one, you are just going to hurt more people. So before you ask for a second chance, make sure you have taken the necessary steps to be the friend, spouse, employer, or member of society that won’t destroy that second chance.
If you are wanting a second chance, and whoever you are asking it from, ask for evidence of change and you have none to offer, don’t complain about the consequences. No one can make you change, that is your choice. You can’t make other people change, that is their choice. Make sure you want what you are asking.
When you are forgiven, it is a special gift. When you are given a second chance, that is a greater gift. Treat a second chance as it deserves: extremely precious.