🔵 By Ivory Andis. Photo by lauragrafie.
Before I start, I want to tell you that I was meant to fall. I was not supposed to be successful. I was not meant to fly. There were obstacles I had to break through. I will tell you what was keeping me from a life of success. Then I will tell you what educational success means to me.
When I was young, I was told that I wouldn’t amount to anything. That I was stupid, useless, and unlovable. Those words put a stamp on me and impacted my mental health. I believed that I couldn’t be academically successful. I believed the whispers of the lost and broken. My mental health took me down a path of unworthiness. I was lost in a prison of my mind. I felt nothing and then I became nothing. All I could hear was voices of destruction. My mental health kept me from living life and feeling loved. I hated myself because of my mental health. I envied everyone. So, my mental health led me to fail, my failure led me to hate, then my hate led me to fear.
Fear swallowed my heart, mind and soul. Fear kept me from doing anything out of my comfort zone. I stayed in a room full of my enemies. I failed, and failed, so I stayed. I remember crying for someone to save me. For God to save me. I had no soul and no mind. What makes you think that I would succeed? I was too busy trying to stay alive. Everyone was gunning for my flesh. They tore at my mind. I was nothing, I felt nothing … Then I saw nothing. I thought only of one solution. To float away. I was 9 when I kicked that ladder.
Then I saw the light in the darkness. I heard the heartbeat. I followed it. She was standing there with open arms. She grabbed me and held tight. She told me to live. She healed my wounds. I didn’t even know her! But she said that my heart was gold. Then I started to feel, to love, and to forgive. She said words of worth. Told stories of the wise. She had a job to do. Her name meant nothing… but she said it anyway. Ivory!
Now I walk in beauty. I still hear the whispers, but I knew that they’re only there to remind me of where I came from. Of what I overcame. I was told I would be nothing. It’s beyond my wildest dreams to get my G.E.D or even a degree. I want to be that beacon of hope. A leap of faith. I know how it feels to break. You know that saying? „God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest angels.“ I have to redeem myself and take victory on those who stuffed me in a hole.
You asked me what educational success means to me. Well it gives me a voice. It opens doors. I need to open this door so I can help those who need a helping hand. Who need someone to hold their minds and steady their hearts. It’s an opportunity for me to expand my horizons. It will redeem me so that I will give back to my people. Opening this door will give me strength and courage to break through my fears. It’s a challenge I am willing to face. So yes, educational success means everything to me! Because hope can only go so far. Hope is a beggar. Faith is an action. If I could do it, anybody could do it!