🔵 By Timothy Brunner. Photo by lauragrafie.
Closing my eyes I imagine I can see the vapors of the astral ethers like eddies of swirling mist. The seemingly directionless flows are only chaotic when inspected too closely. A more distant point of view shows those currents moving with purpose, seeking a destination.
And so I withdraw to detach from myself enough to let my will, my personality, my self fade into a mist less substantial than the ethers themselves. Once I have become such nothingness, I fall deep into the stream of consciousness that is not my own. I go away. There is no destination, no goal, no desire to arrive. I am at peace because I no longer have to be. At all. I exist not by my will but only through my potential. My past need not be my burden and my future can become my hope. This has become my only peace.
Stephen Hawkings expressed his belief that the universe would continue in an ever expanding rush to total entropy with the image of a tea cup falling off of a table and shattering on the floor. In his work, “A brief history of time”, Hawkings discusses how he could no longer believe that the universe would stop expanding and begin to contract so that entropy could resolve itself. He offered the imagery of the tea cup, explaining that time would never allow the tea cup to gather itself back together, rise, and reclaim its place on the table. As this could not happen because of times relentless procession in one direction, entropy must be inevitable, and entropy is, in fact, total and complete annihilation of all.
Perhaps entropy is what I find in my own world of ethers and loss of identity. That is not a comforting thought, though. It bears the weights of responsibility that comes from the realization that wrongs will not be righted, what’s gone can never return, and what’s done is assuredly done. That means that the dreaming os over and I have to fix my own fuck-ups.
Nothing is ever easy.
The hopelessness of entropy is not, can not, be what I seek. Maybe Hawkings is right and total annihilation is all that waits at the end. Fine. It’s always been about the journey for me, anyway. So I will continue my journeys into the ethers like Peter Pan… Two stars to the left and fly until morning. The peace I find helps me starve off my own emotional entropy and that’s magical in and of itself.