🔵 By Timothy Brunner. Photo by lauragrafie.
For so long I had been so wrong.
I know this on a level so visceral that it is no longer an option for me to return to that personality. I am simply too far removed from a person of such characteristics to personally be that character again.
I am not necessarily speaking about my values or principles being wrong because many times they weren’t. Loyalty. Love. Truth. Respect. Honor through obligation. Many of my principles were positive and productive, so that’s not what was wrong.
Perspective. That is where my fault was.
In following my principles it can be a simple matter of perspective that causes me to make a choice so wrong that the principle I seek to adhere to is actually violated. In my desire to protect my sisters, I was often manipulated into fighting boys for what was no fault of theirs but merely the ire of my sisters. Protecting the women in my life was never a bad principle, but it was warped into a bad act. I have come to see that the expression of a principle necessarily includes other people. In that prerequisite interaction comes a need to understand the nature of the interaction, on each participants behalf. What is the relationship between the actors? What does each believe in regard to the situation they are involved in? Who is right and who is wrong? Do I understand enough of this dynamic circumstance to determine what effect my action will truly cause? This necessitates a knowledge, an understanding of my surroundings. I have to be an active part of a given community to know how my actions can best reflect my principles in a given situation. This requires an immersive relationship with other people in particular and with other communities in general.
There are such drastic cultural differences between some communities that no one course of action can be said to be correct in a given situation if different communal beliefs are operable. Understanding what others believe and how they express it is of dire importance in guiding a decision that os to reflect a principle.
It was so easy for me to set aside this sense of responsibility in a state of moral superiority that was a natural accompaniment to my self-centeredness. I did not care how my acts were perceived by others because only my perspective, that of adhering to my principles, mattered at all. I was right because I followed what I believed to be correct, no matter how wrong I truly was. I am no longer so blind. I can see that a principle is only known through the effect it has when acted upon.
I cannot act in a way that harms others and believe in the correctness of the course when there exists a less harmful way to accomplish the same end. It’s not that I profess the Hippocratic oath that a medical professional adheres to, though such “smallness” can be a great thing and such is a priority in my life now. I profess a principle of leaving something better than I found it. Minimal impact when I can.
For so long I had been so wrong.
I no longer wish it to be so. Maybe that is a redeeming principle in and of itself.