🔵 By LeShun Smith. Photo by lauragrafie.
I don’t see myself as a victim
Although my scars are ever present.
I don’t believe I can claim the mantle
Of survivor, if I’m still reluctantly
Tolerating oppression.
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord!
And I believe Him but I can’t help my stress.
In my heart I’m as courageous as a lion,
I’m lyin’
I feel like an endangered tiger who’s depressed.
Fight for me, Lord!
Free Me Lord!
I know you’ve seen me prostrated,
Face planted in the earth,
And me screaming out in guttural agony
For 302 months.
You asked for confession with contrition,
I give it;
Faith and repentance,
I live it
But I’m still livid,
Because for all the giving I’ve given,
I’m limited,
Because I can’t live it the way You
Lived it, give it the way you gave,
Save the way you saved,
Took excruciating punishment,
Was nailed to the cross;
and paid the way you paid.
HOLD UP!
Died,
Went to the grave for 3 days,
And was raised the way you
were raised.
Please Lord, tell me that’s not your will for me!
Because I was razed as well,
I’m talking about RAZED.
Meaning I was physically, emotionally,
Mentally and socially demolished.
The fact is, I took a person’s life,
Then me and my son’s life
Was abolished…
Wait…What?
I need your mercy Lord.
I’ve come too far to be back
At the beginning of my trauma
Like it’s a revolving door.
Release me from this fiery furnace
Like Shadrach,
So I can praise you more.
Clear that snake from my path
So I can no longer be hypnotized by its hiss.
And let those prison gates close behind me,
So I can live my life,
I’ll be righteous…
I promise.