🔵 By Lorenzo Hutson. Photo by lauragrafie.
Aside from the sentencing phase, which his when a defendant has the option to speak on his own behalf, it has the propensity to be utilized as a mitigating circumstance for sentencing, he is never heard. At my sentencing on 06 March 2012, when I was sentenced to 27 years state prison for voluntary manslaughter and attempted murder, I utilized that option just to imply my resentment towards the sentence. At 29-years old, I rapped the lyrics to a song by the name of a rapper named Plies titled “100 years”, at 42-years old, I can now express what I actually felt, even if I receive no response. The media painted an ugly picture of 30-year old Tamara Lashon Webb, so I will take the liberty of repainting with a different brush, first with what could be uncovered, following what is unknown to many.
Webb had at one point discharged probation after serving one year for assault with a deadly weapon, was actively on probation after serving 120 days for commercial burglary. And was arrested for robbery and subsequently released seven days prior to her death. Does this need to be her legacy? Absolutely not. Tamara struggled with the unexpected death of her mother 10 months before her own death, especially with the audacity of her family withholding Webb’s portion of the will in which she was entitled.
Tamara discovered that she was pregnant while housed in West County Detention Facility and had an abortion in County Jail because she was unsure of who fathered the unborn child. Not to mention her own family had evicted her from their home three months prior to her death. Tamara had dreams to one day become a fashion designer to design clothing and come out with a brand of her own one day. She was smart, outspoken, generous, and extremely charming whenever the occasion called for, she was playful and loved making designs on computers to draw up formats. To set the record straight, Tamara was not a prostitute, however, did have a promiscuous side to her, my description for her sexual deviancy is “publicly promiscuous, sweetheart in disguise.” Tamara dated multiple men at once and no one was the wiser. Tamara labeled each man as a sponsor, for each sponsor served a specific purpose, one guy would pay her rent, one would buy her a car (which she inevitably got impounded), and others would either purchase clothes, get her hair and nails done of just currency to sustain a one-way path to rock bottom.
Tamara was much more than a victim of homicide, or a political pawn in closing cases that occurred in a secluded area of the city; she was a daughter, sister, aunt and mother to a daughter who passed away five years before her death. On 03 February 2009, when I fired shots that struck her – while rounds were intended for her accompanied friend – not only did I rob him of his safety, I endangered his life while robbing Tamara of hers. The irreparable damage that comes with unlawfully killing someone is an endless conversation. A train conductors had to halt the train schedule after discovering Webb, subjected to interviews by detectives, the residents of the apartment complex had to keep their relatives held prisoner inside their homes until law enforcement’s investigation is conducted. A family member had to identify her in the middle of the night after a long day of work, while funeral arrangements unexpectedly had to be made, and having to undergo three years of the legal process to ensure justice for Tamara. I will forever be scarred for my own decisions, and on February 3rd (the day of the crime) and March 12th (Tamara’s birthday) is when I take several moments of silence to remember who she was to the world, including myself. Tamara and I were friends who just happen to have had sexual relations occasionally which his why I never became one of her sponsors, we did have a falling out, however, reconciled weeks prior to her death. I will never have the privilege to apologize to Tamara. So I have worked tirelessly to exhibit my change in honor of her name as well as her company’s name, by way of a “living amends.” In 2019, I have participated in Batterers Intervention and in 2021, I have participated in Anger Management to discover alternatives to prevent unchannelled emotions from surfacing and to process them in a healthy way. One of those ways are the “four R’s” which are to “recognize”, “retreat”, “relax”, and “return.” Recognize that you are being triggered aka someone has upset you. Retreat, which means to vacate from the situation before words or actions that are regrettable could occur. Relax, which requires taking time to reflect and take inventory on how the circumstance could have been handled differently, and to utilize self-care to calm down, whether it’s listening to music or exercise. Finally, to return, is appropriate only when you are willing to set your ego aside to hear the other party out and understand their side of the narrative.
However, if you believe that this conversation would cause further harm, then it would be wise not to return. Aside from this commemorative writing of expression, my other living amends is to provide a proper voice for the voiceless. Tamara. I will forever live with the guilt and shame of someone having lost their life at my expense, but I hope this writing will connect with the readers to build some form of understanding.
For the record, there’s not a day that goes by without my thinking about Tamara, Brian (her company) and Leothurs, and how my selfishness affected them. I have to live with this burden for the rest of my life,that is my life sentence, but I shouldn’t have to be punished for it on social media or pen-pal websites.