🔵 By Lorenzo Hutson. Photo by lauragrafie.
I myself, am currently employed as a visiting porter, which entails sanitizing a room where relatives, children and most often, spouses meet with their freedom-impaired loved ones. For nearly two years I’ve operated in this capacity, as a photographer, a janitor, and a hostess in such a positive environment, yet I’m as invisible as a fly resting on a wall. I love interacting with people, to hear their „how we met“ narratives from couples, as well as backstories from large families. However, what has drawn my attention, is the caliber ratio of women – to – men in most dyadic relationships that I witness a work. I often observe the most undeserving guy, who has a woman that he doesn’t deserve. While the men, whom, I’m acutely aware of, including myself are alone, with no one, however, I have a theory to include. It may appear that the average woman is seeking a thrill when they browse the pen-pal websites, such as „Pen A Con“ or „Write a Prisoner“. There are significant, stereotypes that are being sought after, such as the bald head with tattoos wrapped around a man’s body, or gold teeth.
Or a man who sounds very synonymous to pimp, a slick talker, or a womanized, and usually these women are well put together who seek such things. They usually are between the legal lifespan early adulthood, either are in college, or well-read graduates, who may have either no children, or one child at best. She’s usually employed of financially well-off, and usually fits into the equation of yoga, Pilates, or spin class. The object of her eye is usually a man who’s gang-banging while in prison, suffering from addiction, basically at the „precentemplation stage“ in their life.
He’s more than likely, going to be ungrateful for everything she provides for him, which may or may not include her making some life changing sacrifices. While the woman who seeks a man who’s freedom is impaired, are usually around the age bracket of their prime, who’s highest achievement is a divorce. This woman has had the life cyphoned out of her, from emotional baggage to children she’s already welcomed into the world. She has eaten her emotions to the point of losing sight of her purpose and motivation. She has absolute trust issues due to her unfortunate displeasure of loving men like the above-mentioned. This woman has endured inconsistencies of falsehoods from men, abuse, addiction and now is in possession of an altered worldview. So her opportunity is the type of man that she could’ve rejected 10-years, a chain of unwise decisions, heartache and a lifetime ago.
This would be „the nice guy“, whose the opposite of the chosen one, he is ambitious, in terms of bettering himself, e is either in the „action“ or „maintenance stage“ of change. He’s gained self-awareness of his flaws and acknowledged mistakes, and still believes in valuable friendships and loving relationships. He might not be perfect, and may have experienced some form of trauma, however, he has learned not to allow his chances to define him. This may be the case with men who are between the ages of 35 to 50, because let’s face the optics of reality, women mature faster than men. And compared to the men who are manipulative, dishonest, and self-serving in their relationships. Serving to exploit the women who love hem, in order to inject a needle in their arm.
So, there are a multitude of questions here, are the men and women describer unworthy of love and affection? Absolutely not. If anything, I commend their efforts and courageous attempts to put themselves out there, by not giving up on love embodies resilience. I would like to additionally add that „wholeness can emerge from brokenness“. Could it be that opposites attract partners who are far from similar or remotely close to being our equal. And where does the nice guy fit in this? Do nice guys always lose and never win, while the undeserving prevail? Does the good person reinforces the cycle of pain? If any of this appears to sound offensive, that was not my intention at all, some of this is filtering from personal experience.
This writing may emerge as a question to readers who may have a similar question. I am Lorenzo Hutson, 40-years old, currently petitioning for 3 Associate Degrees in college. I have been working on my insight into my past for over 5 years now, I am a genuine person who has sought to meet someone or encounter friends. However, in my last relationships, I was taken for granted, so this is why I am so blatantly passionate about the questions I’ve asked. If you care to respond my address is on my profile. Thank you for reading what has sauntered in my heart for quite a while.