🔵 By Christopher Petteway. Photo by lauragrafie.
I am an African American male, currently, incarcerated at a Connecticut State Prison. I have been here for three years. I anticipate being here for many years to come: If not till death. Unfortunately, my criminal history dates back to my juvenile years – with years of crime free living in between. Though I am responsible for breaking the law in more instances than not; there have been several instances where I have not broken any laws, yet I was accused, charged and arrested as though I did. I have been, and will continue to be, accountable for the choices I’ve made to break the law; as well as for the times when I have not broken any such laws.
As for the laws I am responsible for violating – such decisions were also as the result of becoming; a product of my environment; (i.e: inheriting a low socioeconomic status, a highly dysfunctional upbringing, negligence and abuse, and being a target of a criminal justice system saturated with, and dominated by, racism, discrimination, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, hate and genocide (oppression) which has caused multitudes of minorities to feel hurt, angry and traumatized. Contributing to recidivism and other social ills.
In my years of being detained at jails and prisons I have witnessed and experienced the, blatant, violations of human/prisoners rights in the forms of, inadequate medical care; cruel and unusual treatments and conditions, the utilization of instruments of restraint to the point of torture, the abuse of power and authority (the physical, mental and emotional abuse of prisoners), the „malicious“ use of solitary confinement units, false accusations and charges and the willful and intentional hindrance of an inmates rights and access to grievance projects and procedures.
As a human being, „I do understand“ that laws are instituted to protect and to guide citizens. I agree that without such laws there would be total pandemonium and chaos. I can even understand „and“ accept that there must be consequences for breaking such laws.
However, such consequences are limited to; the loss of ones freedoms in free society, the loss of irreplaceable, and invaluable, time from ones life and the lives of his/her loved ones, the loss of certain other rights and privileges and being subjected to involuntary servitude, (slavery) as outlined in the 13th amendment of the United States Constitution – (which is, and should be, subject to change.)
Such violations of human/prisoners rights, such physical, mental and emotional abuses, such racial disparities, as afore mentioned, are „not“ conditions of ones sentencing in a court of law, (for any crime he/she may have committed). To the contrary, such acts, conditions and treatments etc. are against the law (criminal) – which makes those officials, individuals and institutions whom part are in such activities systems of „criminals overseeing criminals“.
I also know from first hand experience that not all individuals involved in the criminal justice system, (jails, prisons, government ect.) buy into such rights violations and abuses of the American prisoner (human being) – though the perpetrators of such actions tend to far outweigh their counterparts.
There are those (police officers, judges, corrections officers ect.) people who are mindful of the rights and well beings of those they supervise (oversee), and treat them with dignity, respect and professionalism all while, fully, executing their duties as officers or dignitaries of the court. I have great respect for such individuals.
Not withstanding, there are many officials, institutions and forms of government (American), whom, wholeheartedly believe it their God given duty and societal obligation (their „right), to bring „additional“ suffering, neglect and consequences upon those in their „care and custody“ or under their authority for breaking the law or for simply being charged for or accused of breaking the law (whether sentenced or not, innocent or guilty). For in this American Criminal Justice System you are guilty until you can prove your innocence or can buy/pay your way out. This is the reality for African Americans (mainly) and other disadvantaged minorities (including poor Whites.)
The essays and materials I write are based on my own personal experiences and/or eye witness while being subject to courts of law and being detained at certain jails and prisons over the years – in several different states.
I will be honest, truthful and precise: informing the general public and all interested parties of the unseen situations, conditions and circumstances which „intentionally“ exasperate the (future) integration of detrimental thinking and behavior (people) into a society from systems which delegate themselves, (policies and procedures), ones of „rehabilitation“ and „correction“ in spite of their contradictory effects on their subjects and their primary purposes of condemning, excluding from society, punishing, dehumanizing, traumatizing, oppressing and financial gain.
Mass genocide such as this contributes to the dilemma that „hurting people hurt other people“; a vicious cycle reinforced by systems which purport to be beneficial to society.
For most of us (the majority minority population in jails and prisons), these „systems“ begin within „our“ pre-targeted and broken homes. Such targeted and disadvantaged human being are then fed into criminal justice systems and institutions which further contaminates, antagonizes and traumatizes them… More so than not. Especially minorities and poor Whites whom are considered nothing more than collateral damage. Perfect ingredients for job security, oppression and supremacy. (White.)
The various forms of expression, (essays, stories, poems ect.) which I write have five main objectives.
(1) – To illuminate the unseen, unheard and unpopular „issues“ within this criminal justice penal system
(2) – To take a stand and join the actions of all interested parties for change and their contributions to such change
(3) – To end, and/or substantially decrease, the needless rights violations, discrimination, racial disparagement and suffering of individuals whom are currently involved in such systems and to prevent such from happening to those whom may become involved in such systems (with or without justification)
(4) – To alleviate the overwhelming emotions of powerlessness, hopelessness, emptiness, anxiety, fear, defeat, unfairness, injustice, bitterness, anger, rage, resentment, confusion, despair, and disappointment which I have developed over the years, due to these traumatic experiences. Experiences which have directly, and/or indirectly influenced repressed and misguided thoughts, words, emotions and behaviors which have robbed myself, my family and society of our inherent quality of life on account of psychological warfare, and finally
(5) – To heal and to become a part of the solution as opposed to a continuous, and unwitting, part of the problem.
It’s both evident and clear that many people transcend adverse childhood experiences and other traumatic experiences in life. The traumas from my life’s experiences have contributed to mental illness, to the point of suicidal ideations and attempts; homocidal ideations; DNG addictions; acts of violence and to other forms of (self)-loathing and (self)-destruction.
I’d lost faith in the God of my ancestors and lost hope in brighter days. I became tormented and immobilized by such traumas and perpetuated more of the same.
In spite of my present situation, my life is not over. I believe that I will, too, rise above. I have purpose and a sense of duty. The proceeding narrative is based on personal experience and observation. We are experts of our own experiences. No one and nothing can invalidate or discredit them… No one has the ability nor the power to do so, unless we allow them to convince us that they do.
Don’t fall into that „trap“ as I’ve done in the past! Doing so may cause you pain, resentments and regrets which could affect your outlooks and your life in many detrimental and (self) destructive ways.
In the end; I do believe we shall all be held fully accountable for the roles we’ve played in building one another up and/or in destroying one another. Each and every one of us: whether White, Black, rich or poor.
The moment when wealth, prestige, „supposed“ racial superiority, corruption, greed nor immunity will hide nor protect anyone from anything. Some of us play now and pay now. Others play now and „will“ pay later… it’s only a matter of time.
In either regard; (I) rest assured, now more than ever, that though life, „as we know it“, is unfair… God is completely fair and just. He cannot, will not and does not discriminate.
He is the only true and impartial judge.