🔵 By Rahnzell Rahn. Photo by lauragrafie.
It’s January 6th, 2022. and I’m in the hold, it’s so cold. I don’t have a mat yet so I’m sleeping on the concrete slab. When it pours outside… it rains in my cell. There’s no heat at all. I wrapped myself in my blanket and rub my beet together. I’m trying to warm them enough to at least feel them. I’ve been reading a book by Cixin Liu it’s called “The three body problem”. It’s pretty good, it started slow. Listening to music helps me, it makes it less depressing in my cell. I’m ok though. I’ve been in worse conditions… even when I feel like I hit rock bottom I tell myself it could be worse.
My mom’s heavy on my mind. I wonder if she is thinking about me too. Sometimes I feel like my family forgot about me. I know the world doesn’t end just because mine did. They have lives too. I’m not mad I don’t have a right to be. I’m hungry I miss my mom’s cooking haha… mash potatoes made from scratch, not that instant stuff, mac and cheese, coleslaw, fried chicken, macaroni salad, sweet potato pie, peach cobbles… I could go on forever. Everything homemade from scratch. When I get out I’m going to splurge on food. My favorite is sea food, I love Sushi, shrimp, crab, lobster, oysters… I want to try puffer fish and sake one day. I love food period, my stomach may be empty but my heart isn’t.
I’m going to close my eyes and listen to the rain water drip in my cell as I try to drift off to sleep. I’ll say a silent prayer in my head. I might not wake in the morning… Tomorrow isn’t promised. I’m not no Bible thumper. I don’t even know if God is real. I don’t think I want to take a chance and be wrong though… The faster I go to sleep the faster breakfast comes. All I hear in my cell is drop, ploop, drip, ploop. I’ll tell my family goodnight… even though they can’t hear me. Good night mom, good night Christian, good night Amber and goodnight Iryana.