🔵 By James Kelley. Photo by lauragrafie.
Is there really a good time or place to come out of the closet? In prison I feel not a very good place to roll out a rainbow carpet and walk out like “HEEEY” (In high pitch) So here I am sinking in a river of despair and realize… omg! I’ve not come out on social media. “Bi-Sexual” Because! I’m now in prison… ever since I was I believe 6 1/2 I knew I liked boys and girls, period. There was no guessing or “Am I sure?” or “It’s just a phase.” And I’m in the generation of it’s okay to be different.
So come high school I finally come out. And what a mistake… 3 fights in one week, really? For what? Because I didn’t want to come out and have negative attention! Now I’m a magnet dropped in a paperclip holder, everyone looking and judging… One of the strongest guys in school is gay. No! Bi-Sexual! There is a difference! I’m the feminine guy that I believe speaks for itself. But it carries over to some of my personality. If I’m with someone, I’m submissive, always eager to please and listen and obey them. So after 3 fights my mom’s at her wits end… and I’ve got my GED so come to find out – can’t be in school and have GED. Yeah! Free at last!
So now I’m getting a job and working! My first truck I bought at age 14 after mowing enough lawns to pay $ 100 for a truck! Yeah, I was soo proud! I earned that truck. I’m not a writer, I don’t do subject matter, I write what’s in my head at the time and sometimes I stray… “Oh! Squirrel!” 🙂
So coming out in prison is no option, can’t do it. I do not need that kind of negative attention! 12 years in prison I’ve not come out… Sawyers (my friend) said, “I know you were gay in like 2 weeks.” (I pipe in Bi, there is a difference!) What is it with people automatically assuming: gay? There are 2 kinds of gays and bisexuals. And I’m the submissive one so there, sue me…
In God’s eyes we are all the same! And omg, do not get me on the subject of God! I believe in God no matter how much pain I’ve been through! “God has a plan”, my momma said. “We don’t know what it is, son, but don’t give up on God because he’s calling me home.” No amount of praying saved her… But I know God has a reason… I don’t read the Bible.. 🙁 I believe men fucked it up, got it wrong. Think of what God said in Bible Genesis 26: Then God said: “Let us make man in our image, according to our likenesses.” And then it says in Book 3 (Leviticus): “Man shall not lay with man, woman with woman…” Then you have the Bible saying other hints; I don’t argue religion or politics! To each their own. I believe in God and for God that’s good enough.
By nature, God made me this way and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I was born this way. So if God made me this way, then one of the books is wrong. Because God couldn’t make me in his image… And then have the rules… So for that, men in my opinion messed up the Bible but who am I to say? Back to my story… So Sawyers yegged me as Bi-sexual in two weeks, pretty good I reckon.