🔵💥 By James Kelley. Photo by lauragrafie.
So since my last writings… I had a visit (video visit) with my younger sister, Nikki. And she reveals to me that I will no longer be able to parole out to my mom’s old address. (She passed away.) Seems my sister wants the property to herself and is basically saying: “Fuck you Robbie, you got yourself in prison, get yourself out.” Now with that attitude… that killed my relationship with my sister. I’m not going to let a piece of property destroy my future family… (I’m actively searching for a relationship as of now.) I’ll make sure when I die, before I die, everyone knows what’s what… as it is now for me.
I’ve now lost my freedom, my kids, my mom, my girl, my grandpa, my sister and place to parole… So I’ve lost pretty much everything… I’ve still got my aunt (thank God), without her I’d be sooo bad off… and I got my brother (David) who hasn’t gave up on me and he told me: “We will figure it out.” He’s never lied to me before. So I leave it in his hands… but word of advice before you die, you want a good lawyer and will and make sure everyone knows what’s what of property, items, money… it will tear your family apart. It sucks, my sister let a piece of property drive a wedge between us… I saw fuck that property. Crazy how things change a family. I’d never thought…
Well it is what it is. So I’m 5’8”, 155 pounds, solid brown hair, hazel eyes (used to be blonde hair, blue eyes) age 33 got to me but like a fine wine, I got better with time. I slimmed down from 216 pounds and toned up! 8 pack, big chest, big arms, veins showing everywhere! Super toned! I’m actively searching for pen-pals and really a relationship. I’m writing to really just express myself, I’ve no one to write to, I lost everyone. Hello humanity… is anyone out there??? Does anyone even care at all? I’m not looking for money, sex or anything, just a friend. Or a partner that will care and love me for me and not judge my past… God knows I fucked up. I realize that and the State has made it a point to remind me daily… can I just move on… find love… and just be with someone who loves me for me? I’m a lone wolf, sinking in a river of despair… does anyone care?
I’m house-broken. I’m a loving wolf. I do bite some times. 😉 I love working out! In prison it is a huge stress reliever! And helps me look good. Prison preserves you… and I love the results I’m ready to get out 2028 I think I’ll be free. Until then, I hold on hope that one day soon I’ll find a woman who will love me for me… maybe want a family… I fear I’ve lost all my family but my brother and my aunt Sarah. When I parole out, I’ll be 40-41 years old… I still have a life to live… anyone wants to write me? (Address on profile.)
Losing a sister because of property that I’ve sooo many fond memories with is heartbreaking, cruel and it hurts. I’ll never allow that to happen to my kids when I die… fuck that… so I said screw it and put ads in the paper to reach out to my youngest son, Gage, who I had no choice but sign papers for adoption… in prison, can’t care for a child, obviously. I hope someone will read it and maybe… just maybe … 🙁
Today however will be a good day. I exercised and ate dinner, ready to take a shower. Then call it a day! I’m studying Japanese. 🙂 I love learning and thought: “I want to learn Japanese!” But! If I find a wonderful, amazing pen-pal in Germany I’ll need to switch to German. Because I respect people and feel it’s important to speak and learn their native language. I hope that I hear from this address and get good news back… I just sent out letters so I’m just writing this to take up time for now… maybe I’ll hear good news. We shall see. Until then, I put pen to paper and write, get my feelings out, hoping someone will care 🙁 ?
Oh okay, so that there are no surprises, I’m bi-sexual, yes. And I’m a sex offender. I was 20 going on 21, had sex with an underage girl. Yes, God knows I fucked up. God forgive me for I have sinned… But how can I as a person move on and live my life if society and prison continue to judge me from my past, isn’t prison’s job to rehabilitate me and help me…? So far they have only failed me. The only help I have is helping myself… and on that note, I am not only studying Japanese, I’m wanting to get my doctoral in religion study. And I’ve started reading and learning stock market, so I can “day trade” as a career. I also do good leather-work, belts, purses, wallets.
So I realize that home life has got to me more than I care to admit… I for sure cry and it’s not a sign of weakness… some say so. It’s a sign of humanity, that I’m capable of feelings and I’m human. When it’s all said and done… I’m human with my own thoughts and feelings, passions, desires, dreams and wishes. I’m a lone wolf, ready to run with a life mate… right now I’m a lone wolf drowning in a sea of despair. Please someone… anyone save me… show me humanity still has a care… do I matter? I’m capable of great things… of love… of being a man my mom knew I could be. I can be a responsible, working adult but right now I need someone to save me. 🙁 I’m sinking and lost everything… please someone… Help. I can’t do this alone, I’m not strong enough. I’m a lone wolf that don’t want to be alone anymore…