🔵 By Nelson Harrison. Photo by lauragrafie.
Like many black men before me I realized that it was ridiculous to worry about that which you couldn’t change. I was confronted with the problem of making my mind accept the fact that I would be behind these walls until my sentence was served. It’s typical in man’s nature for him to adjust to anything. And since I know I have two beautiful daughters and my only son Nelson Jr that needs me home. I had to find a way to survive this ordeal. With that being said, the mirror became my best friend! In a place with so much despair, ruthlessness and cruelty the heart becomes cold as a block of ice.
My first four years in prison I was like Russel Crow, in the movie Gladiator. I had to fight to survive, I fought inmates for any and everything, because my mind and heart was fueled by rage and bitterness. Regret from leaving my kids behind. Regret from trusting the guy that set me up to get nine years. When I treated him like my brother and helped him take care of his mother who was sick and elderly. I felt abandoned when it happened. My thoughts were why would you? How could you? My heart said „bro I trusted you“. When you needed my help I came to your rescue and when the question was asked to him “why did you set Nelson Sr. up?” His response was, „He needed the money„!
There is a very popular song from a music group named Whoodinie called „Friends“. The song says „How many of us have them?“ (Ones we can depend on.) Trust issues are pretty big issues from people of all race and gender and I would bet you 1 million dollars if I had it that most of you have been let down or have been taken advantage of by someone that you trusted. I can imagine that those of you reading this have felt the pain that comes from ungrateful and disloyal people. But I also hope that how you reacted to that experience didn’t land you where I am. I would rather be the free reader than the imprisoned writer any day. So I pose these questions:
How do you believe in yourself if the mirror is your true friend? Am I wrong for being motivated by hate? With my desire to get revenge on everyone that left me for dead or turned their back on me when I came to prison. Am I wrong for that?
I remember when I was 21 years old, a guy stole money from me and I remember vividly telling my father that I wanted to go beat the guy up. But my Father said to me, son the best revenge is success. So the next day I went to the car lot and bought a new car. And I understood at that very moment what my father meant by his words. So when I say to you I have an extreme desire to pay revenge to people when I get out. I mean in a successful way, not violent! But am I wrong for being motivated by revenge!?